i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
