we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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