How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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