Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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