I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
