perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
