yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
