I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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