My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My dick has a subreddit
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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