I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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