Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
