Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
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