If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
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Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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