Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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