Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
