can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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