His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
