he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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