I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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