Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
