dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
