So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We had to coat check the pizza.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
