Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
