I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
