I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
