honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
