Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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