Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
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history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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