Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
