so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
