I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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