and my herpes radar will keep us safe
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
