# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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