alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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