She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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