oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
