Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
