If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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