If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
