Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
