im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
two words...techno handjob
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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