come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You took a bar mat shot.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
