I hate your face
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
