You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
