those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
