My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
