If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
