My balls are so social today.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
