Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
