Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
