In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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