i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
