I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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