So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
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THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
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By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
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