he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
