i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
