never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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