Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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