No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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