OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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