I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
