So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
