i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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