So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
