Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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